Sons

I return to Brevard from a week in Detroit a month ago. Driving through Tennessee and Western North Carolina, I am always thrilled by the trees - so huge, so green, so healthy and the beautiful rolling hills and low mountains of the Blue Ridge. I’ve found such a beautiful part of the country to settle in. I’ve lived so many places but I’m never homesick for them now.

Detroit was good, as always. I stayed with Tris, got to see a few old friends. And once again made passable Thai food for Tristan’s friends. Last year there were 6 of us. This year there were twelve! Ten gay men and two moms. I enjoy his friends. I always have but more so now that they’re adults. Tris hangs on to his friends. One couple who were there are getting married in September and Tris is in their wedding. John was Tristan’s first lover - at least that I know about - in high school. I’m planing on going. It’s nice of them to include me.

I like staying with Tris at his home. Hes become quite the indoor gardener. He has a glass case that a friend donated with a mister on a timer and lights. He tends these plants quite well. They are lush, green, healthy. I like to think he got this green thumb from me.

He’s had a tough time with his job as a travel nurse recently. As Covid subsides these job are harder to come by. He hates working nights as it ruins his social life. He was pretty depressed and I’ve been concerned.

Being a decent parent to an adult is not that easy. As an adult, these are his decisions and he doesn’t seek or accept advice. His decision to be a travel nurse has been good for him. I was concerned early on because of the chaotic nature of the assignments - spending three nights a week away from home, finding short term housing, learning a new hospital with new collegues. I worried his ADHD would make the situation overwhelming for him but he’s done quite well. I’ve been proud of his ability to roll with these vast changes.

And seeing him with his friends reinforced his need to work days. He has quite a nice cocoon. But I fear the myriad of changes facing him if he stays with travel jobs.

I’ve written about mychildhood friend, Michielle. Our families lived on the same street a few houses apart and we became friends when I was eleven. And we remained close over the decades as she moved to LA and then Asheville. And she visited me in Zurich and Michigan and was a lovely addition to my 50th birthday party in London. In young adult days, I was often in LA for work and would alwys visit her and her family. When Joe, her only child, was young, I took him to Disney Land. And he lived in Asheville so I saw him a couple of times since I moved to North Carolina. He was still sweet, cute and really funny.

Michielle dealt with her own demons over the years and about 20 years ago she committed suicide. Joey did the same about a month ago. Both were bipolar.

I’ve been so sad. It brings back the loss of Michielle, my oldest and dearest childhood friend. I worry about her husband, who has become more of a friend the last two years.

There are so many days that the news reads like it’s been snatched from the pages of Revelations, like we’re living in end times. And I’m prone to loneliness without Bob and some depression. But I can’t fathom a loss like this.

In Detroit I watched Tris play an after dinner board game with his friends and I thought how Bob would be so proud of him and how he’s grown into a caring good man.

And at the same time, my heart is broken for my friend Michielle and her son Joey. And for her husband who is left behind to pick up the pieces and go on.